Christmas

Mike was sick all night on Christmas Eve. He woke up yesterday morning way too early. He did last for us to open presents. My mom came down for breakfast & presents and then I took Brooklyn to her dads. When I got back, Mike was asleep.

He has lost about 12 pounds this week and his eyes are dark. Emotionally it is getting harder for him. I think too he is having a hard time with friends that aren't calling. Their lives move forward while his is on hold. He tries to sound cheerful when Kristin calls but she is starting to read through his fake courage.

He got me a beautiful black diamond cocktail ring (Kristin helped him pick it out - thanks!). And chocolate truffles. But he slept all day. I would love for us to have one weekend back in the apartment (that is where it all began and it was wonderful).

He also got me a stand mixer and a food processor. I guess that means I will have to cook more!

Brooklyn got some video games, but was most excited over her ring, necklace and her keyboard. The ring is too small and will have to be sized. The keyboard is being returned for an upgrade that doesn't take batteries, but she was so excited to get it. She is beautiful. She's turning into a great young woman. She's learning to sew and loves to cook. One day some guy is going to be very lucky...but not for a very long time.

She read us the Christmas story on Christmas Eve out of Luke. I wonder if an angel came to me if I too would be terrified?

Christmas in the Tahoe

We had a wonderful time with Kristin (Mike's daughter) & Curtis last Sunday (12/21). We meet them in Winston Salem for brunch at the Village Tavern (yum). I had the crab cake benedict and it was wonderfully prepared. The crab meat was lump and the filling was just enough to hold it together. The egg was perfectly poached. Our server Karen was very attentive. It was a wonderful meal.

Then we went to HH Gregg. In the Tahoe, we put some seats down and we exchanged Christmas presents. Talk about Redneck! It was just nice to all be together.

Then we went in HH Gregg and watched Mike & Curtis drool over the BOSE surround sound systems.

MELDS, update

It's been a while, I know. I have no excuse really. I guess I just check my facebook daily so I get behind on blogging.

Mike's MELD score has dropped to 16 which is great. He still is sick and a normal MELD is 9. He has good days and bad days. We appreciate your prayers.

One thing I've learned through this is that life goes on even when it is on HOLD.

Fine Line

Brooklyn's school requires parents come for a three way conference (Parent, child, teacher) in order for the child to receive their report card. They get graded not only on Math, Reading, etc., but Math quizzes, Math notebook, Math Homework, Problem Solving, Science Notebook, Science Quizzes, etc.

My quandary is when you have a child doing eighth grade problem solving do you get wigged out because they aren't doing their math homework. Or they have an A in Math Quizzes do you get upset that they made a 17 and a 64 on math homework - because of hurrying. They obviously get how to do the work.

What about when in Math they set a goal to eat all their lunch. I had a hard time making that connection.

Being in a non-traditional environment she gets to do many more hands on projects. She spent a few days at the Outer Banks doing experiments and they have done other field trips that are off the hook. My fear is when she gets back to a traditional setting for high school she will have a hard time adjusting. Homework isn't counted as a separate grade.

Parenting, I thought would get easier; however, it isn't. I guess to prepare her for the future it is important that she learns if you can make a 100 in a class you should do everything to make that 100 (like go to Study Hall at 7:30 on Thursday mornings.)

But I guess I have to walk that fine line of positive reinforcement for working on 8th grade problems while encouraging doing her best work in all of it.

If you had told me

that in less than a year:

I would lose my job, get a new job, get a promotion, my air & heat would go out in my car, Mike would need a liver transplant, we would rent out our downstairs apartment and that my mom would have macular pucker and need surgery...I wouldn't have believed you.

If you had told me that this verse and John 10:10 would relate to my life so heavily this year. I wouldn't have believed you.

My prayer for my friends is that you will have abundant life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Frankie Bones

Mike & I went to Frankie Bones for lunch today.

I had the Seafood Benedict and he had an omelet with four cheeses, ham, mushroom & broccoli. Our meal was about $25, it was prepared well and was nicely presented. The flavors all went well together and nothing was overpowering. I was pleased.

The restaurant is very tastefully decorated in a speakeasy theme. It reminded me of an old New York restaurant (Sardi's). Mike said it reminded him of Chicago.

We will definitely go back.

Highlands Community Church

This morning we went with Jeff & Jan to check out Highlands Christian Church. Honestly, my preconceived notion was that it would be annoying with the kids allowed to be in service. I have a hard time concentrating.

We did not have a hard time finding parking and found across the street there is parking that probably not too many people are aware of. We were greeted at the door by two greeters, but really those were the only people that even spoke to us.

It's really dark in the worship area. The heat (it's an older building) was hot, so we moved to a cooler location. Yes, the kids after they started working on their packets were moving about, but they weren't really loud. Well a couple were talking, but it wasn't as bad as I suspected.

It's always hard for me to worship the first time in a new place. I enjoyed the music, but it was more to listen to for me than worship with. Their videos are freakin' funny. They did a great job explaining gel (with one L) groups...but made me think they were saying jail groups, serving, foster parenting and volunteering. It was a great infomercial which I guess helped you understand the church. He didn't really preach this morning.

They did children's time which was very traditional and I felt the woman doing it really probably talked above the children's heads. They aren't going to understand going to the chocolate lounge with a friend and how that relates to God if you pray first (there was more to the story, but I don't think I can do it justice).

They explained why children worship with their parents (intergenerational) and why their gel groups aren't segregated. Why they don't have a single's ministry, etc. I understand you don't have a building, it's hard to correlate all of those things when your space is limited, etc. So how do you talk about the hard topics if children are always there? How do you have a PG or PG-13 service when you have 5-year-olds in the room. Frankly, I don't want my child exposed to certain topics (although now she is at age 11 being exposed) but I feel they are necessary to talk about at church.

The statistic of emotional affairs via the internet, porn via the internet, loveless marriage, and singles marrying for the wrong reason is staggering. How do you ever go deeper and touch on any of these topics if children are always present?

I'm sure parents who love being surrounded by their children 24/7 will love this type of ministry. I love my child, but think she learns much better on a level of her own with her peers (or maybe she should just go to work with me every day and learn the way I do..sarcasm).

That's just my 2c. My perception!

NC State Fair

The Kwiatkowskis and Harkeys went on a tour of Chapel Hill, NC State, downtown Raleigh and to the State Fair.

Basically we ate our way through the fair. The deep fried pecan pie was awesome. Of 112 rides, I think the kids enjoyed a few of them. We toured the agricultural parts, watched the tractor pull, ate some more, rode some rides, looked at some crafts, ate fish sandwiches, ate hot dogs, ate turkey legs, ate corn, looked at the rabbits, checked out the baby pigs, bought some honey, ate some sweet potato fries, ate a philly cheese steak, drank lemonade and laughed.

It was a great weekend! (The best comment of the weekend was Ben saying Chapel Hill was a better campus than NC State...now if we could just get rid of his Duke shirt!

Good news

This weekend we went to the NC State Fair (more in a later post), Bali Hai, to Raleigh, to Chapel Hill and then back to Chapel Hill on Monday for a doctor appointment.

The doctor thought Mike looked better than last time he saw him and told us he doesn't think Mike's MELD score is indicative of Mike's level of illness. He thinks Mike is much better than his MELD score would lead us to believe. He asked to do blood work and guess what - the MELD score has dropped to 18. Still not great, but much better than 22.

They did prescribe some medication for one of the things driving his MELD and he will do more blood work in a few weeks.

All the glory goes to our God and the Father of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.



Thinking on this today!
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Today at 9:16am
1 Peter 1:3-9Give praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. In his great mercy he has given us a new birth and a hope that is alive. It is alive because Jesus Christ rose from the dead. 4 He has given us new birth so that we might share in what belongs to him. It is a gift that can never be destroyed. It can never spoil or even fade away. It is kept in heaven for you. 5 Through faith you are kept safe by God's power. Your salvation is going to be completed. It is ready to be shown to you in the last days. 6 Because you know this, you have great joy. You have joy even though you may have had to suffer for a little while. You may have had to suffer sadness in all kinds of trouble. 7 Your troubles have come in order to prove that your faith is real. It is worth more than gold. Gold can pass away even though fire has made it pure. Your faith is meant to bring praise, honor and glory to God. That will happen when Jesus Christ returns. 8 Even though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not see him now, you believe in him. You are filled with a glorious joy that can't be put into words. 9 You are receiving the salvation of your souls. It is the result of your faith. New International Reader's Version (NIRV) Copyright © 1996, 1998 by International Bible Society

Insecure Leadership

Perry Noble posted a link on his blog to a writer that wrote about Insecure Leadership. Anna (the writer) talked about the affects an insecure leader has on the organization.

I've worked with several people whom I would define as insecure. The characteristics I find when people are insecure are:

They like to find fault with others (to hide their own weakness)
They talk loudly and seem to laugh at inopportune times
They try to spend time showing what they have done versus letting it be discovered
They never give the others credit
Many times they lie - to make themselves look good or to lay fault on someone else besides themself.

What I have found is their inability to find security in their position causes those under them to eventually give up and move on or causes great turmoil within the company. Sometimes it is only in that department; however, many times there is a trickle down effect realized in other areas of the company.

Does insecurity come from undue promotion, from being in the wrong position or from a need to shine?

I think it depends on the person. Someone promoted before they are ready could shine if mentored to lead and succeed in the position. A person in the wrong position must at some point realize they are in the wrong place and find a place (calling or vocation) that fits their gifts and talents. The person that just always has to shine must surround himself with capable people that can make them shine and keep them by not keeping the credit themselves, but by giving it away.

I think Daniel in Daniel 2 faced this. He had to not only interpret the Kings dream but also tell the King what the dream was. He asked other's to pray, gave the credit to God and was spared. He could have been insecure as the other prophets and lost his life. Because of his security in God his life was spared, he was promoted, given gifts and was able to promote his friends.

December 9 & 10

Looks like we will be in Chapel Hill on December 9 & 10 for class and workup. Pray as we continue to learn how to cook low sodium and as we prepare to get on the list!

What in the Heck is a MELD

Your meld score is a combination of certain blood tests. It determines the likelihood of your needing a liver transplant in the next 3 months. The higher the score the more likely you need one. The score starts at 6 (a normal liver) and goes to 40 (you are in intensive care on a ventilator fighting for your life).

Right now, Mike's score is 22. He should be scheduled to have another set of bloodwork around the 19th to get a new score.

According to the doctor he shouldn't be able to work every day and he shouldn't be able to drive to Chapel Hill; however, Mike has so many people praying for him that even though he feels bad and even though his blood work is increasingly getting worse, he is still able to remain active.

GOD ROCKS! and we know that He is in control, no matter what the outcome.

December 9h

Mike received a letter in the mail yesterday. His appointment for class to get on the transplant list will be December 9th. Nine weeks away.

What is it?

Last week I ran into someone that served with me at Covenant. They were very faithful and I asked where they are now worshipping. They told me and frankly I was shocked. It is a very traditional church.

But their mindset impressed upon me a few questions. First they said sometimes you are there to serve and sometimes you are there to get. Do I believe that and why not both? Can we not serve and still receive? Do we not receive while serving?

Also, they picked a small church that needs help. People flock to the large church that can give them a children's ministry or a youth ministry. What about the small churches and do people far away from God always head to the large church when they want to start a relationship?

And then I thought about people far away from God. How many of them start out by going to church? Or do they start with a conversation with someone they think is a Christ follower or do we initiate the conversation?

Wow, I guess that is why we have options. But do those options lead others into a growing relationship with Jesus?

Carolina Wins!

We really enjoyed our trip this weekend to Carolina. Mike woke up feeling really bad, but after waking up he was like a little boy on Christmas trying to get me to hurry so we could get to the game.

We stopped in Old Fort and got a biscuit, but ate on the way to save time.

He couldn't decide whether we should check into the hotel before or after the game, but I decided before so when we got back that night we could crash. Turns out the team stays in that hotel during home games. They were in the lobby and about when we arrived at the Marriott. One of the coaches was on the elevator with us. We tried to get a ride on the team bus, but he just laughed at us.

Knowing that parking would be elusive as Chapel Hill isn't made to hold 60,000 extra people, we headed to Franklin street to find parking. We parked in a deck behind Sparky's. I saw a Sutton's Drug Store sign on the way up Franklin street so we headed their for an orangeade. We decided to have lunch there. The Reuben was wonderful and Mike enjoyed his chicken salad.

We walked into the campus toward the Old Well. We sat in a shaded area and Mike told me about some of the classes he took and where they were. Then we walked down toward the Old Well and found that Tarheel town wasn't open yet. There was talk in the air of $5 shirts somewhere so we headed toward the student store and found them in there.

When we finished our purchase the band was practicing so we sat in the shade and listened to them rehearse for the game. They are a talented group of young people.

TarHeel Town was open when they finished and we headed there to get our free cozies, etc. And then we walked toward the stadium after enjoying the Football Museum.

We sat in the shaded part of the end zone until closer to game time as the sun was setting and our seats became shaded (Sec 107, Row T, Seats 12, 13).

The atmosphere of the game lends to such camaraderie. The students had painted bodies and were so into cheering on their team.

The lights went out during the game and I think that led to a 5 minute wave around the stadium followed by a 20 minute delay of game for the lights to come back on. Carolina won the game.

It took us an 1.5 hours to get from the stadium, out of the deck and back to our hotel. But it was a nice evening. The lightly cool breeze was the perfect fall night.

I crashed. Mike said it was 2 am before he finally was able to relax to go to sleep.

The Waiting

Several people have asked, "What do you do while you await answers?"

Well, we've prayed, we've cried, we've prepared for the worst & prepared for the best. We have sent emails, called friends & family, we've been silent, we've talked and we've know that God is in control.

This weekend we are planning to go to Chapel Hill to watch a football game (his other option was to take me to see Nights in Rodanthe), we might have a surprise next weekend and then the following weekend we are planning to go to Raleigh to the state fair.

Staying busy, prayer, and trying to keep everything normal. We still break down and cry.

Continue to pray that he will get on the list and they will quickly get him a good liver.

Increasing MELD

Stephanie called Mike back this morning (she said she returned calls within 24 hours and she was very prompt). It wasn't great news.

Mike's MELD score was running 10-12 the first of June. On August 18 it was 18, then on September 11 it was 19 and then on September 29 it was 22.

Stephanie told Mike they would be expediting things and we should hear something by the end of the week.

Looks like the transplant will be sooner rather than later.

One of my favorite verses.

Spanky's on Franklin Street in Chapel Hill

We had a delicious lunch on Franklin Street in Chapel Hill although I kept hearing Silent Sam shoot his gun.

Spanky's specials of the day were pretty fru-fru, but Mike thought it was a place I would enjoy so we decided to dine there. Honestly, the fried pickle appetizer was disappointing and I was nervous about our food.

Mike & I ordered burgers since the meat is delivered fresh daily from a local farm and is hormone free & grass fed. Brooklyn had a penne pasta with chicken in a rosemary Marsala cream sauce. We all ate most of our food although Mike & I could not finish our med rare & medium burgers.

They had peach cobbler for dessert, but we couldn't even think about it as we were stuffed.

A great meal!

16 Vials?

We got the call last week that there was a cancellation at Chapel Hill on Monday if we could be there at 8:45. We took them up on it and spent Sunday with Kristin and Sunday night in a hotel in Chapel Hill. We got up and left the hotel by 8:00 and we were at the hospital, parked and going into the building by 8:20.

Everyone in the transplant clinic was very nice. They were helpful and understanding. First they did what all nurses do (BP, weight, ht.) then she said the Dr. would be right with us and he was. He spent a good 45 minutes to an hour with us going over history and asking questions. He was shocked that Mike's MELD score was 19. He said at 19 he shouldn't be able to work all day or drive to Raleigh (the answer of prayers).

Then we met with Stephanie our pre-transplant coordinator. She explained the process. First there is a list of things we have to do here (including a dental appointment), then they have a list and they will schedule a class we have to attend as a family. Once we have met all the criteria (including a cardiac workup and being presented at transplant conference) then he will be on the list.

She then told us he would need to go to the lab so they could draw 16 vials of blood (yes, that is not a typo, 16!). And that by that afternoon she would have his new MELD score.

We left and headed to lunch (will post in a separate post) on Franklin Street and then towards home. We called to get the MELD score but she had left for the day.

I bought shoes at The Avenue in Hickory and we were home by 5:00 pm.

Slivers & Cuts

Last night I was watching Grey's Anatomy (Mike didn't watch with me). One of the characters who had been married 40 years said: You sliver and cut pieces of yourself away over the years to fit with the person you are with. You don't know who you are in the end. (paraphrased).

Is that bad? We all change. Is it bad that we are a different person based on who we are with through life? I guess it depends on who we choose. If we chose to hang out with Charles Manson and we cut and slivered away our conscience and were able to commit murder without having any remorse then who we are in the end isn't who we were meant to be.

However, if we chose someone that will help us run the race then we should be better at the end of the journey of life - not worse. Galatians 5:7 Hebrews 12:1-3

Chapel Hill or Bust

UNC-CH called yesterday to say they had a cancellation and would we be available Monday morning at 8:45 to be screened. We are going up on Sunday to spend some time with Kristin, Mike's daughter and then we will spend the night in Chapel Hill.

Another step in the journey.

Ex Sister In Laws

On Tuesday Mike called Chapel Hill to see what the status was of his appointment. They told him it would probably be November before he could be screened.

I called my ex-sister-in-law. She is the transplant coordinator for this area for Carolinas Medical Center. We hadn't talked in awhile but we used to be really close. In fact, a few times we laid out of work together and went to see a newly released movie. We had girls night out while our husbands were hunting. And while we didn't see eye to eye everything we did have a good time together.

I told her that I didn't just want to call and say "Hey Mis, I need a liver. Got one handy?" She, of course, can't guarantee he will get one, but she did help us with the process of getting the paperwork to the right hands.

She had surgery yesterday and is out on leave. We promised to have lunch when she is mobile. We definitely need to do that. Her kids are growing up so fast (a senior and one is out of school) and with Brooklyn in Middle School - man we are getting old.

I'm glad for one nugget of treasure in this journey. The re-acquainting with my ex-sister-in-law.

Advice

Today Pastor Kevin preached out of Revelations. I heard the sermon, but it didn't sink in. Why? Because today they laid hands on Mike during Praise & Worship. The elders of the church came forward and they laid hands on him for healing. Not just physical healing but also emotional. They based laying hands on him from James 5.

What was interesting was after service men went to him to give him all their potions. Fasts, cleanses, Milk Thistle, etc. were offered as advice. And the women came to me with some of the same advice. Our doctor has advised us against this because in the US, Milk Thistle isn't regulated and you can get pills with too much and it can kill you. She advised against extreme measures and to work towards the transplant.

Having worked in cancer for many years I saw people with stage 1 disease go out of the country to Mexico, etc. for "healing not as evasive as surgery" and come back with stage 4 cancer. They could have had surgery, had the tumor removed and they would have been done with their treatment.

I think it goes to two mentalities. One is that God doesn't heal anymore. The other is that quick fix American mentality.

We serve a big God. He created us and he can heal us.

The Tornados Swirl

For the past week my life has been swirling. I feel like I felt in my dream, totally out of control. Not that I am out of control, but I feel that I cannot control circumstances.

Last week we found out that Mike will have to have a liver transplant. Back in May I mentioned that he has liver disease and last week we found that he has progressed.

The good news is his insurance will pay for him to have it at Chapel Hill and Kristin lives in Raleigh so she can be close by.

The best news is we serve a big God. My good friend Kim, who is very wise, told me to take God's hand and walk around the tornados.

Right now as I peer out my window and see the fog covering the mountains I wonder what my future holds. What purpose and plans does my God have for me? What is in store for me? Life is so short. This year has been a year of turmoil from losing my dream job to going through a breast cancer scare to facing a health adventure with my husband, whom I love dearly.

I don't know what is up, but it must be big or the valley wouldn't be so broad.

Brooklyn is 11 today

Wow, it doesn't seem like 11 years ago, but it was. At 8 lbs & 5 ounces with thick hair and red skin my Brooklyn girl was brought into the world at 12:58 via c-section. I'll never forget (after 30 hours of labor) them rolling me down the hall and the sudden attack of fear I felt. Not of the surgery but the angst of the responsibility that being a parent brings. All of the sudden I wasn't just responsible for myself but a child and would be for many years.

She's a joy. I love her dearly and am so blessed to have her in my life.

Brooklyn, may your journey on earth be sweet, filled with the love of Christ and blessings. May you marry someone who adores you and may you know the joy of being a mother also.

Tornados

Every since I was a little child God has spoken to me through my dreams. Some might say that is weird, but actually it is comforting to me. I have reoccurring dreams that usually mean something.

When I dream of tornadoes something is about to happen that I look upon as hurtful, sad, traumatic, life changing, etc. Before the announcement was made for the "reduction in force" at Covenant I dreamed of tornadoes. When I worked for the American Cancer Society I dreamed of tornadoes and found out there was turmoil brewing.

Last night, again I dreamed of tornadoes. I was in this big house and I was ministering to children. I saw the tornadoes coming from a distance and I told everyone to go downstairs that there was a basement, but no one would go down there except me. I was the only one that survived the tornadoes (there were four of them).

Then a little later I dreamed the house had been rebuilt and it was story upon story. The pastors lived in the middle of the house and the house was on the seashore. There were many people in the house and the tornadoes (waterspouts) were brewing again. I was making my way lower in the house, but not to sea level. The house turned and I could see all of the waterspouts. There were so many merging together, they were dark, and then the house above me flew apart and I was going toward the ocean. I was being pulled out in this torn apart house and I was crying to the people on the shore (where it was ironically sunny) to pull me out of the house headed out to the ocean. I was really close to shore, but moving so fast. No one would stop to help me.

And then I woke up.

What does it mean? I have no idea right now. But I do know something big is brewing. I'll start praying and I hope you do also.

Next Step

I went to the doctor today. The affected area is still 8 cm so she decided it's time for an MRI.

So off I go. As soon as I hear something I'll post it.

39

While we were on vacation I turned 39. Next year I'll be the big 4-0. I didn't look forward to turning 29. I went on a trip to Minneapolis with a bunch of girls to the Mall of America. We had a blast, but the new mom thing, turning 29, mini van stage had just begun.

Now 10 years later. I have a child in middle school, I've divorced, remarried, I've had six jobs (yikes), I've built a house, I no longer have a land line phone, I've lost and regained 50 lbs., I've completed my bachelor's degree, I've made many new friends, I've lost a few friends, I had a couple of friends that have died. We no longer listen to cassettes, but now have passed CD's and are listening to MP3's and watching MP4's. I've grown in my relationship with Christ, I've lead several children into a relationship with Christ and I've learned that church isn't everything but God is. Wow, a lot of growing and revelations.

I'm looking forward to the next 10 years (wow, Brooklyn will have finished high school and will be in college). How will technology have changed? What will our energy resources be? Will Christ have returned?

Brooklyn's first day of Middle School

Today was Brooklyn's first day of Middle School. Imagine taking your child to a school that has max 18 kids in their class for Middle School where they have the same teacher they had last year. Our family is so blessed to have this opportunity.

She still has an opportunity to do sports, arts, extra curricular activities but in a smaller environment. The teacher asked me this morning how Brooklyn would be getting home. What sixth grade teacher cares? That is usually up to the child to know.

Her teachers cheered when she entered the room this morning and we all shared about what we did over the summer. They cared about us and we cared about what they did. I'm envious that her teachers went to Alaska, New York and San Fransisco over the summer and can't wait for them to teach Brooklyn from their experiences.

I was dreading Middle School, but honestly... I'm excited. My little girl is growing up!

Delta Riverboat Cruise

(mike's knee so close to Popeye's mouth)

On Sunday of our vacation we got up and went for a Delta Riverboat Cruise on an air boat. We saw coot (river chickens), bulrush (Moses), alligators, baby alligators, and learned a lot about the Delta. It was very educational and fun.

20% of the water in the US passes though the Delta for filtration. The grasses harbor all kinds of creatures and are imperative for our food, water and life cycle.

I asked our guide if we would see a Swamp Ape. Now Swamp Apes are the southern version of Big Foot. I had never heard about it until a few weeks ago the Learning Channel did a special on Bigfoot and featured the Swamp Ape. Our guide thought I was crazy. It was so funny. He asked me if it was close to what a henweighs? I didn't get that so Mike explained to me (what a hen weighs).

Anyways, fun times in the Delta.

The Results

On vacation the Dr. called to tell me that the biopsy was benign. YIPPEE. But Dr. Leblanc wanted to take the case to Breast Cancer Conference and confered with the pathologist. The pathology was vague. Inflammation.

Their thoughts are try a steroid cream for two weeks. If it has cleared up then yeah. If not, a breast MRI and then more biopsies (yuck).

So, the journey continues.

The Biopsy

Dr. Leblanc said that Dr. Weist's report said my mammogram was negative (which is what the report they sent me said); however, I could see skin thickening on the mammogram. I wonder why they don't report that. She showed it to me. Obviously that is where they think the issue is.



Anyways, the redness had changed and was more prevalent since I initially went to see Dr. Leblanc on the 11th and I could see she was concerned. She also said she could feel more thickening and would feel more comfortable doing a nipple biopsy and a skin biopsy.



I told her to do whatever she felt needed to be done; however, about 2 minutes after I got started down the road from her office I wish I had asked to skip the biopsy. It felt like I was in a clamp and was being twisted. I wouldn't have wished the pain on anyone. I ran to Rite Aid and got Tylenol (I meant to take some with me) and then ran to McDonald's and got a cheeseburger so I could take the Tylenol. I went back to work and worked until 6:00 pm.

It's amazing when I tell someone they say if it is cancer have you considered just cutting them both off? When I was younger I couldn't wait to get boobs. It meant I was growing up. Now, to hear just cut them off?

Well, I'm still waiting. I don't know what the pathology revealed.

I read on a t-shirt the other day that pain is just weakness leaving the body. I don't know if I agree with that or not. Pain is a reminder of how human we are and how much we need a Savior who suffered for us and by His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

Healing. That will be a post for later.

The Mammogram

Last Thursday I had my first mammogram. I had hoped to put that off for another year. Actually I didn't think it was bad at all. It really wasn't that uncomfortable and it didn't take that long either.

I went in there and the technician told me she would do the mammogram and I would wait while the doctor read it and then I would have an ultrasound if it was needed. Well, I waited longer to get it done so the ultrasound could be done at the same time and by golly I wasn't going to leave without the ultrasound.

So she did the mammogram and took me out to a waiting area. About 10 minutes later she told me the Radiologist would like to see me. So, I went back and there was Dr. Weist. Dr. Weist is a great Radiologist so I was thrilled she had read my mammogram. She told me she thought I might have Paget's Disease and that I should have a punch biopsy and bilateral breast MRI. I didn't get the ultrasound.

I'll post about the biopsy tomorrow.

The Finding

I'm on a journey. A big journey. As some of you know I am a Certified Tumor Registrar. I have accessioned hundreds of cancer cases (maybe thousands) and have read about numerous types of cancer. I know about disease progression, symptoms and courses of therapy. I know about death.

So on July 4th when I looked in the mirror and saw that my breast had a huge red area I knew how to attack. I gave it two days to go away on its own (maybe something bit me) and then I called the doctor. The nurse knew my worry and got me right in to see the doctor.

We discussed what it might be (because I already knew) and she gave me antibiotics to cover any skin ailment it might be. She also ordered my first mammogram (I'm 38 so I haven't had one yet) with an ultrasound. I couldn't get in until July 28th.

My first thoughts were it could be inflammatory breast carcinoma and my breast resembled what some of the pictures on the Internet looked like. The other thing I could find in googling was an infected milk gland (thus the antibiotics) but nothing else (since I'm not breast feeding this would be rare).

I told a few friends and they started praying for me. One of the friends had a connection at Asheville Radiology and they got my mammogram moved up to the 24th.

I took the full course of anti-biotics and the redness got a little worse, not better.

My friend Melissa sent me a great email. She said: "I refuse to accept this diagnosis. I know that we don't get to choose these things..." Then she reminded me of Paget's disease. Paget's disease has a much better outcome than inflammatory breast cancer and since they are both rare (Yeah, me and the rare diseases) there isn't a ton of information out there on either of them.

So I was more optimistic.

The wonderful mammogram will be the next post.

Fight Like a Girl

My friend Stephanie emailed me the other day and in it she said "Fight like a girl." I've been thinking about that statement.

How do girls fight? We are emotional beings. We cry, we laugh, we stand up for one another. So what makes us fight differently than boys/men?

I think one thing is we use the Internet to research our health issues. My mom didn't have the Internet when I was growing up so she bought a book on diseases (basically so you can see what herb/supplement/vitamin to take for varying things, but also so she could know what the doctor was telling her. She also bought "me" a set of encyclopedias. At the time that was research at my fingertips. The Internet of the 70's - encyclopedias. My dad almost died once before he went to the doctor. Men do that kind of thing - some women do, but it is mostly men.

I think men use their brawn to fight and women use their brains (that is why if we had women leaders there might be less war.)

I think another thing is most women (there are exceptions to everything) don't just point blank accept that the doctor is always right. We know our bodies. That is why many times doctors get frustrated when we know something is wrong and keep going back trying to get them to diagnose us because we "just don't feel quite right".

And we use our network. Men don't discuss health issues. They don't want anyone else to know what their disease is, what they are facing, or what they are going through. Many times their wives are the only ones they depend on to help them fight. Women can make two phone calls or send out an email and have 20 people praying for them in minutes, casserole's in the oven and someone being sent over to get the mail, vacuum the house, clean the bathroom, whatever is needed. That is how women "fight". They use each other (and know that the favor will be returned when it is needed).

I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud that I fight like a girl.

Journey to the Center of the Earth

Last Friday I truly took the day off and Brooklyn & I took her friend Taylor and went to see Journey to the Center of the Earth. We thought it might be in 3D at Regal Cinemas, but alas it wasn't. The cinematography was off the hook. I'll definitely be seeing that movie again in 3D.

I laughed, I cried, was scared, was tense, and thoroughly enjoyed the movie. I think I might get the original book and read it at the beach.

If you get a chance go see it and watch out for the carnivorous plants!

Bare Naked Ladies

Tonight, the Bare Naked Ladies meet. It's a group of women from the Underground that meet in a small group and talk about what is going on. This month our assignment is to bring 3 words that describe ourselves positively and one that is negative.

Now, I have some self-esteem. That has never been an issue for me, so I have my three positive words. Ambitious, organized, and hospitable. I think those are my positive words.

The negative word; however, is a little overwhelming. I've been facing a health issue. After I find out what it is I'll share about it on here, but until then I'm keeping it under wraps. Do I bare my soul and share that with this group of women that I am just getting to know? Do I keep it to myself and share something else that is negative? Where is that line where you make the decision to share or not to share? Do you trust this new circle to keep your secret? For that matter should you call all your friends and share? Do you just lay low and be still and know that He is God?

I'm not sure. Maybe my negative should just be unhealthy and leave it at that. You can look at me and tell that word is correct.

I guess when I get there tonight I will decide. For now, I'm thinking I'll keep it to myself.

Did you cry?

Brooklyn was on her way to Art Camp for the last day this morning. She got her first burn on the glue gun. I asked her if she cried. She said no, but it hurt. I said, I know, I've burnt myself on one before. She said, did you cry? I said, no, but I've been burnt where I did cry before.

One day our talks won't be about a burn on the skin (iron, stove, etc.) but of the heart. She's still young and hasn't really experienced being burnt by a friend, boyfriend, boss, co-worker, etc. She's got some tears ahead to cry. I hope she will be strong, but sometimes I hope she will cry.

Camp

Brooklyn is at Art Day Camp this week. I dropped her off yesterday morning and she just went right in. Didn't hug me bye or anything. She went with strangers. Now she did know that I had checked the place out, but she found the college student in charge and went over and was ready to get started. I was sad. She's growing up.

As much as I hated the camps with the tears and the "oh, I don't want to go" when she was younger, it was sad to see the flippant "go away mom, I'm fine." for the first time. There are less and less times of her grabbing my hand as she goes into those "butterfly stomach moments". She's becoming more and more sure of herself. I want her to be a strong young woman and I guess that does mean she can't always rely on me.

I just pray that she is always still going to hold onto the hand of God and trust him and not rely just on her own understanding as she grows up.

I think God allowed me to have that job at Covenant and to love on those sixth graders to prepare me for this stage in parenting. What a challenge.

Guess we can't have our cake and eat it too. At some point they do have to grow up.

Brothers

For the past five summers Brooklyn has attended camp at Covenant. With my job being cut to 1/2 time and me basically being laid off from Covenant it would have been too awkward for her to attend camp there. I just didn't feel it was best for our family. So Brooklyn has some wonderful opportunities to branch out this summer. She's attending Art Camp, Pottery Camp, Day Camp at her school and she's having some Friends & Family weeks.

One of the things I really wanted for her this summer was for Jan to teach her some basic sewing skills (something I wish I knew more about) and for her to spend time with the Kwiatkowski boys. I want her to know she can have relationships with boys that aren't romantic. I want her to have guy friends. What better way to learn about that than in a friendly environment with another mom I trust.

Brooklyn doesn't have brothers. I never had brothers. I always thought all my relationships with guys had to be romantic. I don't want Brooklyn to grow up with that mindset.

So Jan, thanks for teaching Brooklyn how to sew and thanks for letting her have some "brothers" for the summer.

Sisters

So many of you know that Mike has been very sick, and was in the hospital for four days. Thanks for all your prayers. He is back at work and doing much better.

During this time I was trying to help Brooklyn start a new camp, take care of my husband, work, etc. I called on my girlfriends to help me. To pray for me. To give me advice. To be there if I needed them. One of them wrote to me via email and said, "Your sisters have your back." I only have half-sisters as biological sisters. I have never met Reca. Cindy lives in Tennessee with Reca. I didn't even know about them until I was in my early 20's. Needless to say we aren't very close.

Having sisters that have my back means so much to me. I didn't have sisters growing up (or brothers either). It was just me.

Thank you Jan, Stephanie, Denise, LaRue, Annette, Angela, Melissa, Kim, Mary, Glenda, Sharon, Robin, Dawn, Stephanie, Carol, Danelle, Doris, Kate, Tracy, Netty, Donna & Bettina. You "guys" are awesome. Thanks for the meal, the emails, the phone calls, the time, and the advice. I pray that you receive the same when you have a need.

Proverbs 11:14 - Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.

This verse really stuck out to me this week. I saw it on Mark Beeson's blog and I thought wow, what a week. Thankfully I had much wise counsel surrounding me.

Pray for your Pastor

So tonight, Brooklyn and I were saying prayers and I prayed for Pastor Kevin & Angela. For their marriage, for their ministry, for their children.

After we were finished Brooklyn asked me what was going on with Pastor Kevin. I said nothing honey, after reading another Pastor's blog I just promised to pray for Kevin & Angela for 30 days. Then it hit me. Does she think something has to be wrong for us to pray for someone? Or do they have to do something for us (we also thanked God for our friends that brought us dinner tonight) for us to remember to pray for them?

So when you pray with your children, remember to randomly pray for people. And yes, pray for your Pastor. I'm sure he will appreciate it.

Customer Service Part 2

1. Hillary was great in the ER (she was an excellent nurse)
2. Blanket warmers in the ER are awesome.
3. The guy guarding the backdoor of the ER (security) has a great personality.
4. Offering pj bottoms to a guy to protect his dignity is a great way to lend a hand of genuine customer service.
5. Offering the patient's wife something to drink while the patient is in the bathroom is a great gesture (especially when patient is NPO)
6. The new paint and artwork and flooring in the hospital looks so much warmer than the white sterile walls. Thanks for making the hospital seem more inviting.
7. When Transport is backed up it does so much for the soul when someone from ultrasound takes the patient back to the floor. In fact Ultrasound was a very pleasant experience.
8. Having security at the front door at night checking people in with name tags is a great idea.

Customer Service DOES matter in the Hospital

Many of you know that my husband, Mike is in the hospital. He went in on Saturday afternoon to the ER. There are some things that I would love to tell the local hospital administration. They have some things right and some things wrong. One thing I wish leaders could get across to business is that the problem isn't with people it's with systems. Our local hospital (Mission) has some systems problems.

1. You have to go to the front desk to get your bracelet and register and then four stations before you are seen in the ER.
2. Four stations is ridiculous (weights & measures, triage, insurance, specials (if you need an EEG or something).
3. I can understand 2 (triage & insurance)
4. You should educate the public on conditions that don't necessitate an ER visit. Many people will wait until they are dying because they don't want to sit in the ER in line behind people that should have gone to the urgent care. (Sounds like a great publicity campaign to me)
5. Your staff should support their doctors.
6. Your doctors should support your staff.
7. Your nurse should not tell you she can't move you to a room because the doctor is at Wild Wings (how much beer has he had and he is ordering what for me?)
8. Your nurse should communicate the delay, apologize and repage said physician.
9. Your nurse should not have to tell you what is wrong with you because their has been no communication and then not be able to tell you what it means. (i.e. you have ________, but I'm not sure how they plan to treat it. You're fine the doctor will be in later.)
10. Your nurse should tell you that the doctor did try to see you while you were in Ultrasound having a procedure.
11. Your doctor should tell the nurse that he did try to see you while you were away and will be back, but it might take hours.
12. When a patient is obviously worried about his situation the nurse should not tell the patient what is wrong and leave it for the doctor to explain four - five hours later.
13. A patient should not be left without food for hours and not be told why he can't have food (or water for that matter).
14. A doctor should not call the patient's wife hun. And if he does he should be prepared for her to go off on him.

Middle School

This morning I stopped by Brooklyn's school (she was with her daddy last night) to get her books, notebooks, etc. so she wouldn't have so much to carry this afternoon. Today was her last day of school. I hugged her goodbye. Then I realized it was the last hug I would receive from my Elementary child. When I saw her again tonight she would be a middle schooler.

Today in school they made a circle and each person took a turn in the middle while receiving "shout outs" meaning they were bragged on for something they had done during the year. They also had a moving up ceremony with just her class. She really enjoyed it.

They also have been working on final words also. Basically this is each person writing a sentence or two (or more) about each person. This is something we will treasure in our house and it will go in a special place.

I'm so glad they don't do Awards Day at her school. There were always 2-3 children that received the bulk of the awards. Yes, it is nice to be honored, but I loved the way they did it at her school today. All participated, all were accepted and all were revered.

Queen of Asheville (or at least the Mall)

About a month ago I wrote an essay for a Mother's Day Contest on WOXL. I thought it would be cool if mom won.

Tuesday night, Tammy called to tell me that my mom won. She sent me the details. She won lunch with Tammy & her mom (and with the other winners), a $200 gift certificate to the Mall, a hair & makeup makeover and a gift bag. And, she needed to get a cheering section there to root for her as the most extreme makeover and she could win an even bigger prize.

So, she called her friends and many of them showed up. It was great. Thank you to her friends that came.

Guess what, she beat the other five moms and won the Grand Prize. You would have thought she was queen of Asheville!

In her mind she probably was. I could have never spent that much money on her and she wouldn't have allowed the hair cut, etc. (She even took her wig off!) My dad used to buy her frying pans for presents. As I got older I would try to get him to buy better things and occasionally he did (a locket from Kmart).

I'm glad we got to spend that time together and I'm glad she won. She had her 15 minutes of fame and she enjoyed every minute of it. And she looked cool in that outfit!

Bistro 1896 for Brunch

This morning we thought about trying Carmel's again since we had such a great experience; however, there are so many restaurants downtown so we decided to try something new or something we haven't frequented recently. So we thought Bistro 1896.
We had such a great experience there about 8 years ago when we were dating that we were sure it would again be a pleasant experience.

Our waitress Chrissy was wonderful. I asked her what she recommended and she bubbled with exuberance over several dishes that we were considering. So my husband got the Southern Comfort (baked cheese grits with scrambled eggs, cajun shrimp, and fried green tomatoes.) I got the Salmon Benedict with a side of fruit.

About 25 minutes into our wait my husband noticed that only two tables in the whole restaurant had food. Food started arriving at about the 30 minute mark. The couple beside us had ordered the same thing. The lady immediately told the waitress that her food was cold and it was returned for warming.

Tables outside were being served and several of them received the Southern Comfort dish while this lady continued to eat and her husband finished his "warm" breakfast. She finally got up and went to the kitchen and asked for her meal. Which was returned with rubbery shrimp.
So when my husband got his he discovered that his food was also cold. I took a bite and he was right. Stone cold. Mine, however, was delicious. The sad thing was the waitress took his plate and returned it from the microwave just a minute or two later. The shrimp shells still on his plate.
She took the price of the meal off our bill, but it ruined the whole experience. With so many good brunch restaurants in Asheville you must have an up to par breakfast or people will not return. I guess they count on tourists.

I hope they were just having an off morning, but slow service and cold food make my decision for a brunch restaurant in the future much easier.

Forgiveness

Wow, I think this morning I attended the best service I ever have. I started with funny announcements (Kevin got beat by a girl in a poker game!) then was ushered in with a great worship set. Jenny does a great job of changing up the songs.

One of the babies was dedicated. I think I know the parents names, but I'm not sure so I won't post on it, but these are the sweetest dedications. I cried and I don't really even know the family.

But the topic this morning and the sermon were thought provoking. Forgiveness. How many times do we forgive? How do we forgive that deep wound? He used the Nooma video by Rob Bell "Luggage" to bring home the point at the end. I think there were many people dealing with this subject and there were many tears. I hope that some people did experience breakthroughs this morning.

I always wonder what about the person that hurts you and hurts you and hurts you. That was even part of the video. Does the abused woman (I'm not referring to myself here) continue to suffer the abuse? Does the child whose parent beats them just continue to forgive without reaching out for help? It was addressed by setting boundaries and those boundaries sometimes mean you won't be around that person. You can forgive them, not dwell on what happened, but that doesn't mean you have to spend time with them or set yourself up for more abuse.

I have some forgiveness to deal with. I'm looking forward to forgiving and moving on.

The Sound

I was sitting at my desk working on deleting old files when I heard a sound coming from one of the rooms close by. I knew the sound. It was very familiar. I don't like to hear that sound because I know what it means.

Grief. It was sobbing. Uncontrollable sobbing.

One of the women I work with lost her mom and Hospice had just called to let her know. She wasn't alone and I knew that. She was quickly surrounded by those who care about her deeply. I had asked about her mom earlier and had told her they serve a great meal on Saturdays at Hospice. Little did I know that 10 minutes later she would find out her mom was no longer here.

I remember hearing that sound and knowing it was me. My dad died on August 8, 2001 (yes, my birthday). He was my hero and when they called me from the hospital to try to get there before my mom I knew what had happened, but they wouldn't tell me over the phone. As soon as I got to the room I heard that noise, that deep sobbing noise. But this time it was coming from a place of familiarity. It was the sound of my cry. Sure, I had cried over the loss of a pet, or family friend. But I had never lost anyone close to me. I was lucky to have my dad with me for 33 years.

It reminds me of the story in the bible where people were paid to weep. I wonder what that sounded like? I can't imagine it was authentic. Do you think paid mourners can authentically grieve? People who weren't touched by the life of the person that has passed away? Jesus asked them to leave the room and then he raised the child from the dead.

Mark 5:37He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. 38When they came to the home of the synagogue ruler, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. 39He went in and said to them, "Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep." 40But they laughed at him. After he put them all out, he took the child's father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. 41He took her by the hand and said to her, "Talitha koum!" (which means, "Little girl, I say to you, get up!" ). 42Immediately the girl stood up and walked around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. 43He gave strict orders not to let anyone know about this, and told them to give her something to eat.

I think the mourners were upset. Their job was to mourn and Jesus took away their opportunity. Are you mourning (a lost child, a marriage, a death, etc.) Let Jesus take away the opportunity or heal the hurt. For everything their is a season and there is a season of grief and then there is also a season of JOY!

The Underground 4th Sunday of the Month

So the fourth Sunday of the month is a little different at the Underground Church. I really didn't know that going in and was caught off guard.

Announcements are always funny. It shows some of the humor of the church and it's really nice.

Jenny did a great job with the music this morning. They need a keyboard player to help out. I don't know who out there reading this blog that might know one who might be interested, but just a bug in (coughcoughTim'scoughcough) the ear of anyone who might have some talent.

Then Pastor Kevin got up in front and started with questions that people have posed and answered them using scripture. One of them is a discussion that has been going on in virtual church (Facebook) about Does God Change His Mind. The other question was about prophecy. I was amazed at how many in the congregation had experience prophecy and were willing to share the experience. I was also challenged by this way of doing church.

To not have an agenda, to take responses from the crowd, to allow the church to think was really like being in a living room with close friends discussing politics, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It seems more real and genuine than any place I have ever worshipped. I really enjoy going there.

I think I will look forward to 4th Sundays.

Que Sera

Today after church (more about that in another post) we tried to go to Okie Dokie's in Swannanoa for some BBQ. I had read about it on Chowhound and Mike went by there this week and said it was really good. However, they aren't open on Sunday.

We drove down to Black Mountain and really couldn't find anything we knew about to be open and you must have reservations at the Red Rocker Inn to eat there. We were going to turn around when we found Que Sera. After perusing their menu we decided to give it a chance.

The atmosphere is quaint. It isn't a large restaurant. They do have a wine menu and they have a $4.95 mimosa special for lunch. I had the lightly blackened red fish with a Creole meuniere sauce over asiago cheese grits with black eyed peas. It was scrumptious. Mike had the eggs Benedict with Canadian bacon. It was also yummo. I did have dessert (chocolate peanut butter surprise) and it was homemade.

A great meal including tip for $36.

100th post

That's it. No insight. This is just my 100th post!

10,000's

In the early 90's I learned how to play this simple game with dice called 10,000's. It's a fun game and several people can play at once. It moves fairly quickly also.

Sunday night we went over to some friends (The Kwiatkowski's) for a meal and to play the game. Brooklyn loves to play with Ben and Andy (they have some pretty cool electronic toys!) so we went over about 3:15 and hung out for a while. Jan cooked a scrumptious dinner and then we played 10,000's.

After Jan won an all-adult game we brought the kiddos in and taught them how to play. Brooklyn did something I've never seen done before. She rolled 3000 points in 2 rolls. It was utterly amazing (and you would have thought that she had found gold). Yes, she won that game because none of us could catch her. I guess it was beginner's luck!

Now that I've read the rules on Wikipedia I find that I've been playing differently than the rules say as far as scoring. The last time we played I rolled 6 ones and I should have automatically won. Oh well, we can add the point system changes now that we know about them.

Sunday School Last Post My Perceptions

After reading through the past couple of posts I just want to say this: How ever you decide to do "Christian Education" whether through small groups or Sunday School or parental partnering, please be intentional about it. Have a plan for each step and make that step clear.

The steps might change and evolve as technology changes and as culture changes but the worst way to tackle it is haphazardly and without a plan.

Sunday School part 2 - My Perceptions

Okay, so Sunday School for kids is the predominate way that children are exposed to the gospels, Old Testament and New Testament stories, crafts, and Jesus. In most denominational churches they use their denominations lessons to teach these lessons. There is a flow to the teaching as each denomination has a "Scope & Sequence" they follow so that the stories can be revisited every so many years.

My question is why? One church has their children over 4 with them in service and they have activities they do when the service gets to a certain point that reinforces the message for the children. Another has classes that the kids go to each week with papers that the parents usually end up throwing away. Another does Children's Church with high energy music and a large group bible story and then they break into small groups and do many activities that reinforce the lesson for the child.

And of course all the parents are spending time every day to teach their child the Bible and do studies with them and teach them how to pray and talk to their best friend, Jesus. Oh, they don't? Why not? Soccer games until 6:30 and then a meal on the run and the child is doing homework in the car and then a rushed shower. They can't get up early because they have to sleep.

As a church, we have told parents for the past 20-30 years: give us your children and we will teach them the Bible. Never mind that Deuteronomy says it is your job as a parent. We will handle it. We will take them to camp, have VBS, a class every Sunday morning and maybe, just maybe you will attend our Christian School where we will teach you every day bible classes.

I was meeting with a group of Christian Educators that said it took us 20-30 years for this cycle to build it isn't going to stop over night. Parents are responsible.

So where do the lines cross? What is the appropriate amount of "Christian Education" offered by the church and where do the parents fit in?

More later...

Sunday School

Why do only about 1/4 of church attendees attend Sunday School? According to Barna...

27% of women compared to 21% of men attend Sunday school in a typical week. (2006)
38% of born again Christians and 65% of evangelicals attend Sunday school in a typical week. (2006)
Sunday school remains a draw primarily in the South, where three out of ten adults (29%) attend in a typical week. In contrast, 15% in the northeast, 26% in the Midwest and 24% in the west have attended Sunday school in a typical week. This may be related to the comparatively high incidence of Southern Baptists in the South, for whom Sunday school remains a central focus of the church. (2006)

According to the Assemblies of God website study: Sunday School teaches every person at his level of understanding. The small group, graded structure of Sunday School allows teachers to tailor Bible study for the age-level needs and interests for children, youth, and adults.

Personally, I don't want to attend Sunday School. You have 45 minutes to skim the surface of a lesson found in a quarterly, brochure, or something the class teacher (hopefully they are a gifted teacher) chooses to lecture on. You don't build relationships with the others in your class unless once a month, once a quarter, once every six months or once a year your class gets together. You usually (some churches do have options) are in class with other couples your own age (what about a 38 year old that is married to a 52 year old with a 10 year old in the house and 28 year old living on her own?) or it is a singles class (single again, etc.)

Personally, I would rather serve one hour and attend one hour if given the chance. Let me change diapers, play games with a child, rock a crying baby, take up the offering, greet, sweep the floor, make coffee, etc. How do you chose who is serving and who gets to go to class? My friends that are moms are usually teaching and never get to build relationships with others.

Personally, I like big group/small group for kids and home groups for adults.

Why? For adults you have the opportunity to build relationships. Most small groups eat together (they are people of the table - I love that title) Then they get to know each other. They help each other move, they give each other small baby showers, they mow yards for each other when their is sickness or death or they hold your hand through a failed marriage or hopefully they hold your hands together as you work to salvage your marriage.

The best Bible study I ever attended was a small group on parenting. We stayed on that topic for months and I'm a better parent for it. We prayed together, laughed together, cried together and they helped us move twice during that study!

Tomorrow I'll post why my preference is not Sunday School for kids either.

Carmel's for Brunch

We had brunch at Carmel's this morning. It was the best brunch I have had since we were in New Orleans six years ago and had brunch at Brennan's. I had tried out a new church downtown (The Underground Church that meets at the Y) and since I was done at 11:15 Mike thought brunch downtown was our best meal option and met me there. After looking at a few menus we chose Carmel's.

Mike ordered the Salmon Benny and I had Shrimp & Grits. The total was $30 with coffee and diet coke.

Honestly his meal was better than mine, but I did enjoy mine. His eggs were perfectly poached and the salmon was perfectly cooked. He also ordered a side of gravy to dip his potatoes in. I was disappointed that they don't give you a small bread basket, but they had several options reasonably priced on the menu.

I thought it was the best shrimp & grits I've eaten in Asheville. The last thing that surprised me is I don't like coffee, but theirs was very good. Mike ordered it and I tried a sip. I will order it when we go back in a few weeks after church.

Underground Church

We are on a journey. To not only find a church where we enjoy the music, message and the environment, but where we would feel comfortable serving and growing relationships. I saw an ad in Mountain Xpress that had piqued my interest. It was for the Underground Church. It sounded interesting. I emailed the pastor (Kevin), he emailed back and we had a e-versation.

When I picked up Mountain Xpress upon leaving Wild Wings this week I found that they had a full page ad with an apology to people from the church. It was very emergent and I thought this really has some potential.

Last night Carolina lost in the final four. Mike was upset. We went to bed late. It was rough getting up early this morning. But I felt that I needed to.

So I (Mike was still in mourning) arrived at the Underground Church a little before 10 (they start at 10ish - which is about 10:15). The car that pulled into the parking space beside me had a person that was smiling. She waved. As I went in (they didn't have outdoor greeters) I was met by a smiling face (I think she was doing something for the nursery) and a greeting. She asked if I had been there before. When I told her no, she gave me directions to worship and then told me about the information on the back table.

They have great smelling coffee and some snacks available.

I started to walk into where the main service is going on (there are more visitors behind me being greeted) and see the pastor. He introduced himself and then I said, I'm Tina. He acted like he remembered from the email. I went in and took a seat near the back (I wasn't sure how loud the music would be with the set up).

Instead of using florescence's they use lamps. It was really cozy. I did see people swapping out chairs (I guess some aren't level). Several people said hi as they walked by and then the pastors wife, Angela, came and sat down in front of me and started a conversation. She was very personable. I asked her a few questions and then someone needed her with a question.

The woman leading worship had an acoustical guitar. She was quite good. They had drums, electric and bass guitar also. They also had a guy that was doing backup to the leader. It was really worshipful and I felt at easy worshipping.

During the 3rd song they did a baby dedication. It was the Pastor's niece. It was probably the most sincere, sweetest dedication I have ever seen. I don't know if because it was his family and he knows them so intimately or if it is always that way, but I had tears in my eyes and I don't even know this family.

We finished worship and then the pastor spoke. It was strange how people in the audience interacted with him during the message (not that it was bad, just different to me and when the church grows I do wonder how this will go). You could see there was genuine relationship, creativity and much preparation into Sunday morning.

He spoke on Authentic God. It was really a great message. He reminded me of Donald Miller (whom I got to hear at Orange last year) His style is emergent. It was very intelligent and very deep, while being very simplistic. He told the story of the sons of Korah from Numbers 16 (I don't remember every hearing this story). Korah, Dothan and Abiram rose up against Moses. Moses went down, spoke against their uprising (to save the community) and the ground swallowed them up. Then fire from Heaven devoured 250 people and melted everything around them. So in Psalms 46 the sons of Korah question who God is, how is He good and bad at the same time or is He. He said they do tape the messages. I didn't ask how to get a copy, but I'm going to. I want to listen to it again. He used the Rob Bell Nooma video Rain (it's on the Nooma website and you can watch it for free) at the end to reinforce the message. I can't do justice here on this blog to what he said. Take my word for it that it spoke to me.

When he finished he told everyone to say hi to someone they don't know. Several people spoke to me, including Dee who I found used to go to Covenant. I asked her about the Children's Ministry. They only have about 7 kids that attend sporadically that are over 5 (they have a ton of babies...which is the sign of a growing church according to Gary Lamb). They are working on growing their children's ministry. They really don't have a youth group because they don't have many youth. But they do have family things (which is most important to me).

Upcoming...April 12th is game night. The last Saturday of the Month is Dudes no Limit. They get together and have some fun. They also do something called the Savory Plate where there is a theme and people bring food and they share a meal (sounds like fun). Anyways, we will continue to check it out for the next few weeks. I'll share Brooklyn's perception (if she lets me) next week.

Overall I really liked it. It was extremely friendly and I felt comfortable there.

Have a great week!

This Sunday

I was perusing Mountain Express last week and ran across a blurb for a new church in Asheville. I was interested and emailed the pastor. We've had a pleasant conversation this week with him explaining their congregation and how their church works.

Then tonight I picked up a Mountain Express on my way out of Wild Wings. (Normally I wouldn't admit this but Mike kicked my butt at trivia tonight. In fact he got over 13,000 points and is #1 on the board at Wild Wings. I won't even say what my score was...it was horrible.)

In the Mountain Express there was a full page ad from the church we have been looking at and let me say I think I'm going Sunday to check it out. I think they are honestly interested in reaching people that aren't being reached. I think they are doing it in a very positive and open way - with an apology.

I'll post my review of the church on Monday.

Catalyst Greenville - My perception

So this weekend we checked out Catalyst Church in Greenville, SC. Jake Miller, their Financial Pastor - I think that is his title...anyways he does the budgets and stuff), had invited me via facebook and this blog so we went down (and we ate at P.F. Chang's). I emailed Casey (the Lead Pastor) and found that Louie Giglio would be bringing the message for the day (via video).

It was cold, very cold. It got colder as we got further down there. Brooklyn had on shorts and flip flops (I felt like a bad mother, but she begged to wear them).

It's about an hour drive. Not too bad. They meet at Greenville's Little Theatre. They have a greater as you drive in and they have banners at the road (the Garmin had us doing a dance around the place, but the banners took us right in). Their signage is great. We knew exactly where to take Brooklyn.

I didn't think about this Sunday being the weekend after spring break and I would think their crowd was probably off due to that. They are doing a great job in a portable space and I think the move to the school will probably be even better for them.

I enjoyed the music. The leader was very charismatic. I enjoyed the message; although I prefer a live speaker. I wish Brooklyn could have been with us to hear the message as it is so relevant for kids in school to know that God created our world versus what they hear in science. He is ginormous and we make Him big versions of us (put Him in our box) when that's not what He is at all.

After the music the host team came forward and they gave the head of each row a basket. I had to get up and walk mine over to the people on the other end of our isle. That was a little awkward as they didn't reach out and take the basket, but put money in it while I held it. I really wasn't sure what to do with it. Other than that it went smoothly.

Brooklyn said if we lived in Greenville that wouldn't be her pick for a church. (She loves New Spring and she would want to drive there - she asks to go there all the time).

We had a wonderful lunch expect P.F. Changs has taken their dessert Lucky eights off the menu (boo).

Then we drove home after stopping for some Duncan Donuts. I wanted to do a little shopping, but Brooklyn was freezing. We'll go back down sometime this summer and do a little shopping.

So Mike has informed me that we need to be more realistic in our church hunting and look locally. I have found a few options (maybe this one, and possibly this one) for us to try the next couple of weeks and I will be posting reviews. I'm not doing this to be critical, but for others in Asheville (and Greenville) that might be looking to get some insight before they visit.

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Next game...interested? click here

Spring Break

Brooklyn has been on spring break this week. Normally she would spend most of her days at church with me when I had to work, but this week with my new job I've had to work so she spent Monday with her dad, Tuesday & Thursday with Granny (my mom) and Wednesday & Friday with her Nana (Jeff's mom).

She saw Horton Hears a Who and yesterday I took her to see National Treasure 2 (half way through the movie she told me she didn't think she would like the movie, but she did)

She's had a manicure this week, been shopping, eaten out and spent time with family. She really isn't excited about going back to school next week.

I took her shopping today. She bought some cute clothes and we ate in the food court at the mall. After 5 hours of shopping we were beat. She saw webkinz were 2/1 at Limited Too! so we had to go in there and get her a Webkinz. And bonus, I found shoes that fit me.

What I can't figure out is why a 10 year old needs so many shoes and hoodies? She's addicted.